Naruto Noir
by Drakai
Summary: Wee find Naruto once again running for his life. Nothing new, right. Ah, but take care, Marvelites. Nobody knows what lurks behind each corner.
1. Chapter 1

**I recently downloaded the Marvel Noir series, and couldn't resist but make a crossover fic with Naruto.**

Naruto ran from his pursuers, for what seemed like a thousandth time in his short, six-year long, life. Sometimes he cursed his photographic memory.

He looked back at his pursuers, which turned out to be a very bad idea, as he had crashed into some thugs that were carrying a case into a warehouse.

"Gah! What the hell, brat!" They let go of the crate, and it smashed into the ground, braking open. It revealed some ancient spider idols. The idols broke to reveal hundreds of large black spiders, who immediately assaulted the thugs.

The spiders covered the thugs completely, killing them with their poisonous bites. Meanwhile, the mob finally caught up with Naruto, but just stood there, grossed out at the sight, until a silver-haired man began to chuckle.

"This is amazing!" He yelled to the crowd. "All we have to do is just stand here and watch the show. Those spiders will kill him, and the old fool of a Hokage won't be able to punish us. We didn't do anything in the first place." The mob roared with laughter as they watched the spiders approach the frightened boy. Finally, the arachnids covered him in darkness completely. He felt several slight stings, nothing too painful, and blacked out.

He awoke in a cave of sorts, naked and trapped in webbing. There were all kinds of spiders all around him, and one massive one, as big as the Hokage Mountain. It looked at the boy with its glowing eyes, not moving. Naruto shivered.

"Why do you tremble, young one?" It spoke in a surprisingly soft, feminine voice.

"Yo… you won't hurt me?" He asked surprised, making the creature frown.

"Why would I hurt you?"

"How the hell should I know? Seems everyone wants to these days." The spider frowned even more, before a bright light engulfed her. When it died down, the light revealed a new figure. It was definitely a woman, judging by her D-Cup breasts. She was just short of two meters tall, with long flowing silver hair. Her eyes were strange. They were all gray, even the sclera, bar the pupil, which was black, and the black web-like lines. She smiled at him, showing her fangs.

"Don't be afraid of me, young one. A spider's bite only kills those with dark souls. What's your name?"

"Naruto Uzumaki, Miss."

"Naruto…. A nice name. Tell me, Naruto, what would you do with massive power?"

Naruto was caught off guard by the question. He thought about it, about the few people he came to call precious, how he would give anything to protect them. "I would protect those I love, hell I'd protect the whole village, whether they want me to or not."

"Then, Naruto, I will bestow upon you a cursed blessing. Remember, with great power, comes great responsibility." She bit him on the collar bone, and he blacked out once again.

Naruto found himself on the roof of a building near the site of the 'accident'. He scratched his head, wondering how he wound up there, but shrugged and chalked it up to the spiders carrying him there. He surveyed the village, frowning slightly.

"Well, old man, hate to say it, but I need some time alone. About nine years should od it. I promise, though, I will be back, stronger than ever." He jumped on the next roof, noticing his new strength and agility. A shadow flickered on the roof he occupied before, and the Hokage stepped into the light of the street-lamp He sighed and turned to the Hokage Tower.


	2. Chapter 2

The two Chunnin guarding the gate of Konoha were… bored. Although, bored out of their minds would probably describe it better. They were just nodding, falling asleep in frightening synchronization, when a tall, dark figure appeared on the horizon.

The figure was six feet tall. (in my stories, I put six feet at two meters. easier that way.) It was garbed in all black. Steel toed combat boots and striped black pants were on his leg, for it was obviously male, ninja training told them that much. A closed black leather coat covered his shoulders and chest, making it impossible for anyone but a Hyuuga to see what was underneath. His face was covered in some kind of full-face mask with white lenses covering the eyes, and a hat was on his head.

As he approached the gate, the two Chunnin tensed, preparing to subdue the masked man if he showed any signs of hostility. But the figure just walked past them, in the direction of the Hokage Tower, not even noticing them. Somewhere in-between sweat dropping and face vaulting, one of the Chunnin noted that he had a large white spider on the back of his coat.

Naruto walked through the village, ignoring the curious looks of the civilians and some ninja he passed on his way to the Tower. _Hasn't changed a bit. Not surprising, really. Oh, and what do we have here?_

He frowned as he looked into an alleyway. Three men were standing around a woman who was on the floor, obviously intoxicated, either by alcohol or drugs, Naruto didn't know. His eyes widened as he recognized he leader of the group. It was that silver haired bastard that led the mob that attacked him nine years ago. His eyes narrowed into a scowl, however, as he recognized the woman on the floor. Her long wild black hair had shielded her face from view, but a slight wind picked up, brushing the long locks behind her gently, revealing the beautiful face of one Kurenai Yuuhi, a woman Naruto knew from his past stay in the village. One of the most talented Chunnin of the time, according to Old Man Hokage, and with a kind heart hidden beneath a cold mask, she had helped Naruto several times, mainly getting him some food and clothes. Now it was time to return the favor. He climbed on the side of one of the buildings, using the small hairs on his palms and feet, and waited for them to make the wrong move.

The silver one chuckled as he approached the downed Kunoichi. "You two, hold her so she can't move. We'll wait for her to wake up. It'll make the act all the more sweeter." He chuckled again, as his two goons did as they were told.

Kurenai opened her eyes as two sets of hands grabbed her roughly. She tried struggling, but switched to using Genjutsu when she noticed that didn't work, finding her unable to use chakra. She looked at the face of her assailant, tears silently streaming down from her eyes.

"What are you doing? Let me go!" She cried shakily.

"Oh, no, no, no, we'll have none of that. Let's have some fun instead." The silver haired man grinned, and started lowering his pants. But before he could do more that get his zipper open, a web shot out at one of his thugs, and pulled him into the darkness, with the other one following shortly.

"You now, good help is so hard to find these days." A voice came from all around him, confusing the ninja. "Over here." He looked behind him to see Naruto hanging upside down. "Boo!" The ninja jumped back, getting into a stance. Naruto disappeared into the darkness again,

"Do you know who you're messing with, punk? I am Mizuki! The hero of the village! I led the final chase against the demon child that led to him being eaten by spiders." Hearing this, Kurenai had a few more tears in her eyes, and she tried to stand up again. She almost did, but started falling again, only to be supported by a black clad hand. She looked into the face of her savior to find it covered by a black mask, but something told her she could trust this one. He brought a small vial to her lips, motioning her to drink. When she did, she could feel all her strength and power return to her.

"I was gonna deal with you myself." Naruto said, getting Mizuki's attention. "But I have a better idea." Mizuki got punched in the face by a furious Kurenai, who was making hand signs after she decked him.

"This is for Naruto." She growled as she sent the Chunnin in a world of terror, full of darkness and spiders. She then turned to her savior, finding him once again upside down, hanging from a spider web. "Thank you so much for saving me." She kissed him on his mask covered cheek, making both blush slightly. "But, who are you, if you don't mind me asking?" She swore she could almost feel him smiling at her.

"If you really wanna know, be at the Hokage Tower in twenty minutes."

"But there's a Jounnin meeting in twenty minutes."

"Oh, I know." With that, he disappeared. She blushed again and went to the tower, kicking Mizuki in the nuts on her way there.

Twenty minutes later, Kurenai and the rest of the Jounnin were in the Hokage office, discussing team placements.

"I'm afraid to say that the Council is pushing for you to take the Uchiha, Kakashi." The Hokage said, making Kakashi cry anime tears and the others, including himself, sweat drop. "But the rest of the team is up to you."

"Oh, well. I'll take the pink brat and the robot kid."

"So, Sakura Haruno and Sai it is, then. Asuma?"

"Ino-Shika-Cho." He said shortly, causing another collective sweat drop, except Kakashi who didn't notice anything but his book.

"That only leaves Hinata, Shino and Kiba. They will be given to you, Hayate." The sickly Jounnin bowed to the Hokage.

"But, Lord Hokage. I wanted to…"

"I know you wanted to be a Sensei, Kurenai, but I'm sorry…" He was interrupted by the door being blown off its hinges, followed by his secretary, and a blob of some web-like substance that hit the woman before she landed, gluing her to the floor.

"Next time I wanna see the Old Man, it'll be best for you to just let me in, hm?" Naruto walked inside the room, oblivious to the stares the Jounnin gave him. He stopped in front of the Hokage, neither of the two saying anything. Tension was rising in the room, before…

"Hey, Old Man."

"Hey, Naruto. How've you been?"

"Meh."

"What do you mean 'meh'? Surely something interesting happened to you in nine years."

"Well, yeah, but meh." By now, the sweat drops from the other Jounnin threatened to drown the still webbed up secretary on the floor.

"Right… Well, it's nice to have you back, my boy."

"Nice to be back Old Man." Naruto said, taking his hat and mask off, showing his much darker blond hair and whisker-less face. "So, you gonna make me a ninja?"

"Sure, why not. Sign here and here, initials here. Congratulations Uzumaki Naruto, you are now a ninja of Konoha. Here are the keys to your new apartment, your new Jounnin Sensei Kurenai Yuuhi will show you there. She will set the time and place for your first team meeting, team meaning you and her."

"Thanks old man. I'll wait outside for you to finish with Kurenai."

"No need, we're done. Kurenai, do you accept Naruto as your apprentice. If I know him, the only thing you'll need to do is just stand there."

"And look pretty." Naruto added, grinning. "Although it won't take any effort on that part." Kurenai blushed and nodded.

"This is your new apartment, Naruto." She led him to his new home which was suspiciously close to her own. Close, as in right across the hall. "We'll meet tomorrow at noon at…"

"How 'bout over at my place? We both know you won't need to give me no teamwork test."

"Uhm, sure." She blushed again, wondering just how he made her react like that all the time. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah." He kissed her on the cheek, making her blush once again. It was getting really annoying, too. She turned to her apartment and closed the door behind her, missing Naruto chuckle. "Oh, life in Konoha will be interesting, indeed."


	3. Chapter 3

"Nice place you have here." Kurenai commented as Naruto let her in the next morning.

"Thanks. Can I get you something? Coffee? Tea?" He asked her as he led her to the den.

"Tea would be fine, thank you." He came back five minutes later with two cups of tea.

"So, what do we do for our first team meeting Sensei?" He asked her as he sat on a chair across the sofa she was currently occupying.

"We could start with introductions, I guess. I'll go first. My name is Kurenai Yuuhi. My likes are dango, my friends Anko and Yuugao, cheesy romance novels." She blushed and glared at Naruto as he snickered, "And a certain someone." Naruto raised an eyebrow at that feeling a little disappointed. Ok, a lot if he was honest with himself. "My dislikes are perverts and especially rapists. My hobbies are reading my stories and hanging out with my friends, and my dream for the future is rather personal."

"My turn, hm? Well, my name is Naruto Namikaze. I like fighting, spiders and a certain girl I know." He seemingly missed the sad look that crossed Kurenai's eyes. (ok, yes, I _know_ I'm being pretty fucking obvious, but I already said I somewhere, I kinda suck at the whole mushy romance thing; so deal with it; least it's a lot better than the romance in 'Demigod', or some other fics I read) "My dislikes, as you called them, are rather similar to yours. Rapists, perverts, and add to those egotistical 'I-am-kami-worship-me' motherfuckers. They just piss me off. My hobbies, I would say, are fighting, training and swinging." _Swinging?_ "And my dream for the future is to find a beautiful girl who will love me for who I am to settle down and have a family with." Kurenai blushed as images of her pregnant with two little red-eyed blond kids running around.

"Well, since we got that out of the way, do you want to take a mission today, or wait of tomorrow?"

"How 'bout today, if you don't mind." Kurenai nodded and they went to the Hokage's office.

"Ah Kurenai, Naruto. How can I help you today? There aren't any problems, are there?" He looked at Kurenai with a raised eyebrow.

"What? Oh, no, nothing like that, sir. We just came here for a few missions."

"Already? Alright, how about…."

"I swear, if I have to do one more measly chore I'm gonna kill someone." Naruto walked to the Hokage's office three months later, grumbling to himself as he dragged a pair of cat ears sticking out of his web. Kurenai walked behind him, giggling at her partner's antics. _Seriously, I haven't thought of him as my student since that day he came to Konoha._ She sighed as he walked up the wall of the tower to the Hokage's window and poofed to the office.

Kakashi sighed quietly, reading his book. His 'team' was in the Hokage's office, Sakura screeching about a better mission, Sasuke brooding quietly while inwardly agreeing with her and Sai standing off to the side with an emotionless face, commenting something about penises every two minutes. Good thing he was at the other side of the little fucker.

"… AND I DEMAND A BETTER MISSION FOR SASUKE-KUN! SASUKE-KUN SHOULD BE OUTSIDE THE VILLAGE SPREADING HIS AWESOMENESS TO THE OTHER PEOPLE SO EVERYBODY CAN BASK IN HIS FABULOUS PRESENCE. HE SHOULD GET A-" She was cut off by a web impacting her mouth, effectively shutting her up and keeping her busy trying to get it off.

"Fuck I hate loud people." Naruto muttered from the window.

"That wasn't very nice, Naruto-kun." Kurenai scolded him poofing next to him. "But it was damn funny." She giggled, making Naruto smile.

Sasuke stepped forward. "The useless fangirl is right. You will give me a better mission. I am an Uchiha and I deserve-" He too was cut off by another web, this time gluing his mouth shut. He glared at Naruto, still perched on the window sill, trying to kill him with glares.

"I fucking despise egotistical over-arrogant assholes." Naruto muttered again, getting Kurenai to giggle again. "Here's your damn cat." He threw his package on the Hokage's desk.

"Naruto, the mission specified that the target remains breathing." The Hokage deadpanned as he looked at the bundle.

"It's alive… mostly. Now, how about you give me something other than a D-Rank mission before I kill something and have spiders eat its car carcass?"

"Yeah, sure."

"WHAT?" Sakura made herself known again, somehow managing to get the sticky web off of her face. "WHY DOES THE DOBE-" Naruto hit her with a web again.

"You will guard a bridge builder named Tazuna from Wave as he finishes his bridge. It'll mostly involve bandits and other minor threats, but I'll still send Team 7 with you. Kurenai, you are the leader of the mission. Consider this your final evaluation." Kurenai nodded, smiling. Naruto raised an eyebrow, but Kakashi mimicked 'later' to him. "You can let Tazuna in now, Ami-chan." He spoke to his secretary, who let a burly but muscled man in.

"These are the brat's that're supposed to protect me. I guess the Cyclops is fine, and the girl. The kid in black looks badass." He commented making Naruto grin sheepishly. "But the other three are pathetic."

"Yeah, but what're you gonna do." Naruto said.

"True. We leave tomorrow at nine in the morning." Kurenai said.

As they went their way, Naruto turned to Kakashi and motioned for him to start talking. "You see, Naruto, Kurenai is a recently promoted Jounnin. So recent, in fact, that she was promoted three days before getting her own Gennin team, namely you. Usually it takes two to three months for a rookie Jounnin to be able to take responsibility for a Gennin team. So the Hokage is giving her this evaluation to see if she's ready for the responsibility. I guess he wants me to report."

"Hmm… I'll need your help on this, Kakashi." Naruto said.

"I won't lie to the Hokage on this, Naruto."

"Nor do I want you to. I want you to help me make this mission easier for Kurenai." He said with a with a soft voice.

"Oh, someone's got a crush. Hehehe…"

"Shut it, perv." Naruto blushed.


	4. Chapter 4

The teams were walking towards Wave country with Kakashi taking front, Sai, Sakura and Sasuke in a triangle formation around the client, and Kurenai and Naruto bringing up the rear. All was quiet, and things were looking good for Kurenai's first mission as Gennin squad leader. Then, Kakashi noticed a puddle in the middle of the road, when it hadn't been raining for three weeks. He started to fall behind, but a sound from Kurenai stopped him and he returned to his position. Instead, Kurenai acted as bait.

As soon as she passed the puddle, two missing ninja jumped out under the Genjutsu, and wrapped their chains around her and pulled, cutting her to tiny pieces. Sakura screamed, Sasuke and Sai looked impassive, but Naruto eyebrow didn't even twitch. Instead, he shot his web from his hand, catching their chain and yanking it from their hands. They growled and charged at Naruto, who fired two web globs that hit them both in the faces, blinding them. He jumped behind them and knocked them out.

"You can come out now, Sensei." He called to the trees.

"You Baka, what are you thinking? Your sensei just got…." She screamed and fainted when Kurenai appeared behind her.

"Some Kunoichi." She grumbled.

"How did you do that?" Sasuke asked through clenched teeth from behind Naruto.

"Huh? What?" Naruto turned around, deliberately looking above his much shorter colleague, making Sasuke get a throbbing vain.

"Down here, Dobe." Naruto looked down with a raised eyebrow. "How did you do that?" Sasuke repeated, trying to look down at Naruto, who was about a foot higher than him, making Naruto raise an eyebrow.

"Hmm, I guess I'm just that good."

"Dobe, I demand you…" He started, only to be cut off by another web to the mouth.

"Guy just doesn't learn." Kurenai commented next to Naruto.

"Mhm. So now what? Those were ninja, despite the amazingly stupid Genjutsu they cast."

"Well, Kurenai's the leader. So it's her call." The two of them turned to Kurenai, who was deep in thought.

"What do you think, Naruto?" She turned to him.

"I think we should continue. But you are my sensei. It's ultimately your call. Just be sure to pick the right one." Kurenai nodded.

"We will continue." She finally said. "And if more ninja do come, we have two Jounnin and a Gennin who should be one already."

"That's right! Sasuke-kun is the-" Splat! (which is the sound of web impacting the mouth from now on).

"She meant me." Naruto smirked, watching the pink-haired bitch try to pry her mouth open with a stick.

"Of course I did. Now let's move. Same formation."

As they walked to the lake separating Wave from the mainland, Naruto and Kurenai talked in the back.

"Do you think more ninja will show up?" Kurenai asked her partner.

"Very likely. I ran into Gato on my travels. Little bastard calls himself 'The Kingpin'. It's some kind of an ego trip. But he's deathly afraid of the Spider-Man." Naruto smiled proudly.

"Spider-man?" Kurenai raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I even have a song, too." Kurenai giggled.

"Say, Kurenai..." Naruto started to fidget. Kurenai raised an eyebrow and motioned for him to go on. "You see, there's this big ball the Hokage is throwing for the dignitaries that'll be arriving for the Chunnin Exams in two weeks, and me being as spectacular as I am, I got an invitation. And it says bring a date. So, um, would you like to, you know, go with me?" Kurenai blushed and nodded, nut trusting her voice. He smiled.

They arrived at the lake and were met with an old man, a friend of Tazuna's, who agreed to take them to shore, but he was too scared to do much else. As they sailed on the water, Naruto kept staring at the fog in front of them.

"I have a bad feeling about something."

"Hn, Dobe, scared?" Sasuke smirked, only to recoil when Naruto glared at him.

"Stupid idiot. I have a sixth sense. It saved my neck quite a few times, too. So we'd best be careful.

"HA! You're just-" Splat!

"Shut it and do as he says." Kakashi told his team

When they got to a small pond after walking through the mist, Naruto sensed something approaching. "Duck!" He shouted as he jerked Tazuna and pulled Sakura and Sasuke with his web. A sword flew over their heads and imbedded itself in a tree. A figure of a man appeared on the sword.

"You have quick reflexes, kid. But will it be enough to save you?"

"I have a few more trick up my sleeve." He shot a web at the pommel of the sword and yanked it loose, making the man jump. "Momochi Zabuza, Demon of the Bloody Mist."

"Oh, so you know me? Too bad I can't say the same for you. What's your name, kid?"

"Uzumaki Naruto."

"Uzumaki Naruto, now why does that name sound familiar?" Zabuza scratched his chin making Kakashi and Kurenai sweat drop. "Wait…. You're the Spider-Man!"

"See, you do know me."

"Spider-Man?" Kakashi raised an eyebrow.

"You're honestly telling me you have no idea you're traveling with one of the fiercest and most dangerous Nin in the bingo book since the Yondaime Hokage? He even has his own song for fuck's sake!"

"See, I told you I have my own song." Naruto smiled at Kurenai. Kakashi's sweat drop increased.

"I never saw you in a bingo book." He told Naruto.

"Don't have a page in Konoha. I do, however, have one in Kumo, Suna, Iwa, Kiri, Oto, Ame, Taki, and several others."

"He has a bigger bounty than me. In Iwa some businessman priced his head at 500.000 ryo (I am using the 1:1 ryo/dollar ratio) for disrupting his slave ring. And that's not even the highest." He appeared besides Naruto, holding a standard Kiri bingo book open on his page. "Can I have your autograph?" Kakashi and Kurenai sweat dropped again.

"Um, sure. You still want to fight?"

"Screw that, we're outta here. Haku!" Another ninja flickered next to Zabuza. "We're leaving. Forget the contract."

"But, why?" Haku raised a hidden eyebrow. Zabuza just pointed to Naruto, and then to his bingo book. She looked at Naruto, and then squealed and glomped him, making Naruto and Kakashi sweat drop and Kurenai develop a tick mark. "It's the Spider-Man. Will you sing my rack?" She started to open her kimono making Naruto and Kakashi do a double-take. Before she could open it, She was thrown next to Zabuza by a seething Kurenai.

"He's mine, bitch, lay off."

"As if, skank. He'll sign my rack, then I'll take him to our hideout and…"

"In your dreams whore."

"That's it. You want a piece of me?"

"Bring it on."

Meanwhile, Sasuke was seething at the blond. 'Hey, Dobe, how come you have a page in the bingo book? Hey, I'm talking to you!"

"Go away, watching catfight." Naruto mumbled, his eyes glued at the two women.

"Who cares about that!" Sasuke yelled, making everybody freeze and stare at him, except for Sai and Sakura.

"Are you serious?" Kakashi asked appalled. "You are not my student."

"That does it, you must be gay." Naruto moved behind Kurenai. "Help! Protect me from the evil." Kurenai moved between him and Sasuke.

"Stay away!" She hissed at him. (wow, Kurenai's overprotective)

"Anyway." Zabuza spoke with a sweat drop. "We have to go now. We still have to pack up our stuff and flip the midget off. See ya." He dragged Haku away.

"Let's get to my house. It's not far away." Tazuna said, keeping his distance from a seething Sasuke.


	5. Chapter 5

Naruto drummed his fingers against the table, his head in his other hand, glaring at Kakashi who was smiling innocently at him.

"No."

"Oh come on, please."

"No."

"Pretty please, with sugar on top."

"Read my lips: No."

"Pretty please, with a cherry and cream on top, and a side of Icha Icha."

"Dammit, scarecrow, which part of no don't you understand. The n, or the o?"

"Kurenai…"

"No Kakashi, I will not convince Naruto to do your job for you."

"You're both mean." He pouted, making the other two sweat drop.

"Tough luck, Kakashi, looks like you'll be training your squad yourself." Naruto said as he got up from the chair, stretching.

"Speaking of training, we have some of our own to do." Kurenai grabbed a surprised Naruto by the hand, dragging him deep into the forest, away from the house.

"I thought you didn't have much to teach me." He said when she let go of him. They were in a rather large clearing near a pond.

"I don't." She blushed, fiddling with her fingers nervously. "I just, uh… don't know how to dance."

"And yet you accepted my invitation to a _ball_."

"I just wanted to go with you." He smiled at her, extending his hand.

"Never mind, I'll teach you." She smiled, taking his hand in hers. "And a one, two, three, four."

They spent the rest of the day dancing in the clearing. Sometime during the last hour or so they had slowed down and moved on top of the water.

"See, this isn't so hard." Naruto whispered in her ear as she rested her head on his shoulder.

"I had a wonderful time." She said, sighing happily. "I can't wait for the ball."

"Come on, it's getting late. We should head back." He got a soft snore in response. Looking to her, he chuckled as he found her sleeping nuzzled in his shoulder. He picked her up bridal style, taking her to their client's house.

The next few days were spent in a slow and steady routine. Kakashi would stay near the house, protecting the client's daughter and grandson, training his team at the same time, while Naruto and Kurenai would guard the bridge builder, just in case Gato had some other Ninja on his payroll.

And while Naruto and Kurenai had fun and spent some time together, Team 7 grew more insufferable by the day. Well, that's not entirely true.

More accurately, Sasuke was becoming more and more annoyed at Kakashi for only teaching them the Tree Climbing exercise, demanding the one-eyed Jounnin teach him the techniques that were rightfully his due to his inherent Uchiha-ness, while also at the same time becoming more and more arrogant due to his success at the same exercise. And when he wasn't doing that, he was getting jealous over Naruto's power and fame, as well as that _insufferable song_ that both Naruto and Kurenai had taken to humming whenever they passed the Gennin. Curse them.

Sakura, meanwhile, was getting annoyed that her crush was getting annoyed, and getting proud that her crush was getting proud, all the time also planning their glorious wedding and first night together, and then the birth of the little pink-haired Uchiha babies nine months later. Now if only she could get that red eyed skank that was trying to make her Sasuke-kun jealous by spending time with the idiot, and the idiot that was trying to make her jealous by spending time with the skank out of the picture. Because that would never happen. Her and Sasuke-kun were destined to be together because of their shared awesomeness. And yet, those two were still getting in the way. Curse them.

As for Sai, on the surface he was still the same emotionless robot that made genital jokes left and right, and sometimes front and back, while on the inside he was doing his best to succeed in the very important mission of observing the Last Uchiha by Danzo-sama. Danzo-sama had given him an important task, and he would never fail Danzo-sama. He wondered what Danzo-sama was doing now. He hoped that Danzo-sama wasn't in the shower by himself. Danzo-sama needed help in the shower. He couldn't do much with only one hand. And Sai, being the ever loyal to- egh, servant, of Danzo-sama was always happy to help. But back on the mission. So, Danzo-sama gave him the very important mission to watch over the Last Uchiha and make sure he was getting everything he should have been getting as the Last Uchiha. But now these two new Ninja were infuriating the Last Uchiha by humming some strange tune. Danzo-sama never said what to do if something like this happened. Curse them.

And poor Kakashi was stuck in the middle of all of that. He had tried every way he could to get Naruto to contend with the team for a while in his stead. He asked him. It didn't work. He asked him again. It didn't work. He even…. Bribed him with Icha Icha. And still the blond devil wouldn't relent. He couldn't understand how the Holy Book had failed him. The little blond heathen didn't even flinch when Kakashi had offered him the Precious. And what was worse, he was backed by that infernal red-eyed atheist. Curse them.

And Kurenai and Naruto were aware of this every day they would leave the house to guard the old bridge builder. And they would laugh, man. **(Alright, I'm curious. Can anybody tell me which 20****th**** century comedian I took that phrase from?)**

"I wonder what the midget is planning. It's been a while." Naruto mused a week from the day they had confirmed the Uchiha was gay. Oh, and met Zabuza too.

"Today your resistance will be brought to an end by the mighty Kingpin." The aforementioned midget disembarked from the yacht that was anchored at the edge of the still-unfinished bridge, bringing a massive army of about two hundred bandits with him.

"You were saying?"

"Yeah, yeah. Come on, it's crunch time. Oi, half-pint."

"Who dares challenge the... Oh, it's you." Gato glared at the blond who was unaffected by it.

"It's me, it's her and aren't you happy to see us. You still bothering the poor people of Wave country with your mighty shortitude?"

"Stop that you buffoon."

"As you command, Your Shortness. Just one more thing. Are you trying to compensate for something with that ragtag army?" Kurenai could barely get a hold of herself from the giggles.

"That's it! Whoever gets the spider gets paid triple." Naruto and Kurenai glanced at each other and smirked as the army charged.

"You take the left hundred, and I'll take the right hundred. Loser buys dinner." He said, adjusting his mask and hat.

"You're on."

Kurenai vanished in thin air as Naruto jumped off the bridge, gaining momentum for his swing. He fired a web at the top most point of the bridge and swung at the arm, using his other arm to catch three mercenaries at once with webbing and throw them off the structure, just as four mercenaries on the other side collapsed to the floor, dead.

Kurenai went through a few hand signs before stopping on one and whispering _**"Sensory Technique: Ally Disruption!"**_ making a total of thirty thugs look at each other before tearing at their comrades, causing panic in her side of the army, taking down at least a total of forty, maybe forty-five thugs. She smirked at Naruto.

Naruto's mask was now earning its keep, hiding the rapidly developing tick mark above his left eye, and the smirk that spread on his lips a moment later. He took it off, leaving the hat on, as always, and removed one of his gloves, before biting the thumb and yelling out _**"Summoning Technique!"**_, causing Kurenai to yell out "No fair!"

A large plume of smoke appeared on the ground, clearing away to show a two-story jumping spider, clicking its green mouthparts.

"_**Ah, it's little Naruto. Have you called me for a tasty morsel, Summoner?" **_The spider said in a deep male voice, scaring the mercenaries.

"Well I don't know how tasty they'll be Jigoku, but there's about a hundred and fifty mercenaries down there. You're welcome to eat them all. Just leave the tiny one." Jigoku looked over Gato and his mercenaries.

"_**You are right, they look hardly worth eating, and the tiny one couldn't even feed a spiderling properly. Oh well, it's better than nothing, and I haven't been summoned in such a long time."**_ And with that the giant spider tore the mercenaries effortlessly, before having his fill and wrapping the leftovers in webbing. _**"Well, they weren't the tastiest morsels, but they were food. I shall take these to the lair to feed the spiderlings. Good luck, Naruto, and do summon the rest from time to time. The hatchlings have particularly missed you." **_He poofed off, taking the large cocoon with him, leaving a grinning Naruto, fuming Kurenai and Shaking Gato behind.

"You cheated."

"Hey, there were never any rules that said no summons." Kurenai pouted, before giving him the look. You know, that one look that is the entire reason that women control everything in the relationship. And struggle as he might, even Naruto couldn't resist it. Especialy when she added the quivering lip. "Alright, alright, I'm buying dinner." She gave him the piece sign and a victory grin. He shook his head and fired a web at Gato, cutting off his listing of things he could give the two if they let him go, before hoisting him on his shoulder. The two went on their way to Tazuna's house, with the bridge builder walking behind them, wide eyed at what he had seen from behind a crate, dropping off Gato in the town center on their way there.


	6. Chapter 6

A week after their excursion to the Wave, and the fun they had there against the Kingpin, Kurenai was standing in her apartment, futzing with her scarlet strapless dress in front of the mirror. Her two best friends, Anko and Yuugao, were sitting on the couch, watching her.

"Oh quit being so jittery." Yuugao rolled her eyes. "The boy likes you, and he won't mind what you look like.

"But there'll be lots of important people there. What if I embarrass him? I mean, I haven't even had time to practice what he…" A loud smack resonated through the room, and Kurenai glared an Anko, who was grinning at her friend innocently, her hand one inch from the red-eyed Jonnin's ass, which she had just slapped.

"Relax, Nai-Nai."

"I really wish you would stop calling me that." Kurenai's eyebrow twitched. "And remove your hand from there before you lose it." Anko grinned again and sat back on the couch.

Ten minutes later there was a knock on the door, making Kurenai jump and rush to it, much to the amusement of the other two women in the room. She opened the door, revealing a very sharply-dressed Naruto.

He was wearing a black suit with very thing white spider web pattern on it. Under that was a black shirt and tie of the same color, with a white spider tack.

"Hey Kurenai, I… Damn you look hot." Naruto wiped a bit of drool that escaped from his mouth. "I didn't get you any flowers, but I do have this." He handed her a small red box. She opened it up to find a spider made of diamonds on a sliver chain.

"Oh, it's beautiful." She put it on, admiring the design. "It must've cost a lot." Naruto just waived it off.

"We'd better get going." He offered her a hand, which she took.

"Be good you two." She commented as the couple walked out the door, leaving the two Jonnin in Kurenai's apartment alone.

"So, what do we do?" Yuugao asked her grinning companion.

"Oh, I can think of a few things." She leaned closer to the other woman.

"Well, her we are." Naruto and Kurenai stood in front of the Hokage Tower. "The Hokage had the biggest room here remodeled for the ball."

"The Hokage?" Kurenai raised an eyebrow.

"I'll have to call him that at least tonight, might as well start now." He led her in. They passed a man in an official-looking suit, Naruto flashing his invitation.

"Welcome Mr. Namikaze." Naruto nodded to the man and walked inside.

They got into a large room decorated with white and red drapes, with a band at the far side of the door, in front of a dance floor.

"And now what?" Kurenai asked.

"Mingle." Naruto approached Sarutobi, who was dressed in a white suit with a red shirt and tie with a Leaf village symbol tack, and his wife Biwako, who was still alive, and dressed in a white and red dress. "Hello there, Lord Hokage." The old man turned to the voice and smiled when he saw Naruto.

"Naruto, my boy, how nice to see you here tonight. Nice suit."

"Thanks." Naruto grinned. "I believe you know Kurenai Yuuhi, my date for the night." Sarutobi smiled at the Jonnin.

"Good evening Lord Hokage, Lady Biwako." Kurenai gave a small bow.

"Now, now, call me Sarutobi." The old man smiled.

"Really dear, you should relax." Biwako interjected, dragging Kurenai to the side. "Come here; let's leave the boys to their talk."

"She's a gem, Naruto." Sarutobi motioned to the young woman in the red dress who was speaking with his wife. "Are you sure you can handle it?"

"Hey, it's me." Naruto grinned.

"That's what I'm afraid of." Sarutobi grabbed two glasses from a waiter, handing one to Naruto. "Watch your back, kid. It's a dangerous night." The old man motioned to another old man dressed in a black suit, holding his hand on a smug Sasuke Uchiha's shoulder.

"Well, would you look at that." Naruto muttered. "What're those two doing here?"

"Personal feelings aside, both Sasuke and Danzo are very respected by the civilian population of the village." Sarutobi motioned to a table near the two, which was occupied by the other members of the Civilian Council. "It's a good thing the Daimyo's here, or this might turn ugly."

"I see what you mean." The pink haired woman, Sakura's mother, was bugging a woman in a brown dress with shaggy brown hair that was sitting on the next table with the rest of the Ninja Council. "Poor Tsume. Mayhaps we should help?" Naruto's grin was mirrored by Sarutobi.

"I'll get the girls and meet you there." Naruto nodded and started walking to the two tables, tapping the shoulder of a man dressed in a black and red suit. "Wanna see something fun?" The man grinned and followed him. "Good evening ladies." Naruto stood in front of Tsume and Sayako, who were starting to argue.

"Well, if it isn't Naruto Namikaze. So nice to see you." Tsume stood up and allowed Naruto to kiss her hand, relieved.

"You looked like you could use some help." He whispered to her.

"Just in time. She with you?" She nodded to Kurenai, who was standing to the side, futzing with the necklace Naruto gave her.

"She's just nervous. Now, please allow me to introduce you to my date, Kurenai Yuuhi." He spoke out loud, wrapping an arm around the blushing Jonnin. "But I'm sure you already knew that." He grinned.

"Yes, we know her." Sayako sneered. "I just don't understand what _you_ of all people are doing here."

"Well, unlike some other people here, I actually have an invitation."

"Are you suggesting Sarutobi didn't invite me?"

"Not at all, I'm just wondering why he did."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Kurenai sat next to Tsume, who clapped her on the back, grinning.

"I am merely stating the surprising fact that _you_ of all people were actually invited. And you didn't even have to threaten or seduce anybody. You must be moving up in the world. Well, not that you actually could, come to think of it." Naruto grinned again.

"Listen here, fox brat."

"That's spider, please get your facts straight."

"Urgh!" Sayako yelled, jumping up and glaring at Naruto "One more word and you're mine."

"Sorry, I already have a date."

"That's it! You're gonna…"

"Excuse me, but is that really necessary?" A voice cut from behind Sayako. She turned around and gasped. The first things she noticed were Hiruzen and Biwako Sarutobi, with amused grins on their faces. The second, however, was a fairly attractive twenty-something-year-old man dressed in a royal black and red suit, with shaggy shoulder-length black hair and a goatee. "After all this_ is _a party."

"Fire Lord!" Sayako gasped with a blush. "I… I'm… I'm so very pleased to see you here." She tried to turn on her charm in an instant. "I hope you're enjoying the party? Of course, obviously not as much as if I were the one escorting you."

"You _do_ realize I'm married, right?" The Daimyo deadpanned, walking past the pink haired woman.

"Well of course… But what I mean is… You could always use some…"

"You're not my type."

"Am I too old for you? You know, my daughter Sakura is somewhere around here and I'm sure she'd be happy to meet you."

"I like my women woman-y. And your hair is annoying." The Daimyo nonchalantly shrugged. Sayako huffed in annoyance and went out the door. "You were right, my friend. That was fun." The Daimyo turned to Naruto, grinning.

"I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, Nobunaga." He took two glasses and handed one to the Daimyo. The man took his glass and scanned his surroundings, before gulping it quickly and throwing it away. "N still won't let you drink?"

"No. And I want my sake, dammit." The Daimyo had tears in his eyes, making everybody in the vicinity sweat drop.

"You're in a public event, act your damn age." Naruto swatted the man on the back of the head.

"Sorry. Yeesh, sometimes you're worse than her."

"Worse than who, dear?" A female voice came from behind him. The man turned around sweating a little, seeing his wife there.

"Err, nothing dear, I was just talking to my friend." Nobunaga pulled Naruto in front of him, hoping to divert the incoming disaster.

"Bastard." Naruto elbowed him.

"Oh, it's _you_." Nō said coldly.

"She still doesn't like me, does she?" Nobunaga shook his head.

"Why wouldn't she when the Daimyo does?" Kurenai muttered lowly, but everybody there still heard her.

"Naruto killed one of my wife's pet snakes the last time he visited." Nobunaga elaborated.

"In my defense, the snake was trying to eat one of my summons."

"My baby was hungry." Nō countered.

"We've been over this, my spiderlings are _not_ food!" Naruto's eyebrow twitched.

"I swear, sometimes they're like siblings." Nobunaga muttered to Kurenai. "By the way, I don't believe we've met. I'm Nobunaga Oda."

"My name is Kurenai Yuuhi Lord Nobunaga. I came here tonight with Naruto."

"Oh, so you're Naruto's girlfriend, then?"

"Um, well, I suppose. Something like that." Nobunaga nodded sagely.

"Then just Nobunaga's fine, Kurenai." The two turned to Naruto and Nō who were now in each other's face.

"Will they be ok?"

"Don't worry, they really like each other deep down." There was a crash and Naruto was sitting on the floor, nursing a lump. "Very, _very_ deep down." Nobunaga sweat dropped.

"Children, that's quite enough." Biwako admonished the two. "Now come on, it's time to dance." She grabbed Hiruzen's hand and dragged him to the dance floor.

"I suppose she's right." Naruto sneaked a hand around Kurenai's hip, leading her to the floor as well. "Have you been practicing?"

"No, not really. I didn't really find the time." She whispered, embarrassed. "Sorry."

"No matter, you'll learn quicker this way." He went to the leader of the band and whispered into his ear. The man nodded and signaled the others, all of who pulled fedora hats from out of somewhere and put them on their heads. "Just follow my lead and listen to the rhythm. Second lesson: Hey, Pachuco!"

**(Royal Crown Revue: Hey, Pachuco!)**

**Hey, Pachuco!**

**Summer of '43 the man's gunnin' for me  
Blue and white man war tonight  
They say damn my pride and all  
The other cats livin' down eastside  
Or maybe just my brim's too wide**

Kurenai had a huge smile on her face as Naruto threw her up in the air, before catching her and twirling her around. All the other couples had stopped dancing and were now watching the two.

**Oooh Marie you better grab my jack  
And zip gun for me  
And I'll face no shame  
'Cause tonight's the night I die for our name**

Nobunaga grabbed his surprised wife and dragged her out to the floor. "You ready for this?" She nodded as the two joined Naruto and Kurenai.

**Well I like to be swingin'  
Dancin' and singing  
Just having a good time  
Free to do whatever  
Now more than ever  
I've got to stick with that gang of mine**

Kurenai panted as she rested her arms against Naruto's chest, Nō in a similar state next to them.

"That was fun. You ready for more?" He asked her. Kurenai nodded with a big smile.

"I like this more than the other time we danced."

"I thought you might." Naruto grinned, turning to Nobunaga. "Ideas?'

"Hell yeah. Man with the HEX!" The band started playing.

An hour and several songs later Naruto, after saying goodbye to all the important dignitaries at the ball, lead an exhausted Kurenai to her apartment.

"Tired?" He smiled down at the woman who was half-leaning on him.

"Heh, this was the most fun I had in a long time." Her hair was a bit messy from all the dancing, but she had a big smile on her face. Naruto opened the door to her apartment to find Yuugao and Anko snuggled under the sheaths of Kurenai's bed.

"Do they do this a lot?"

"Every now and then." Kurenai shrugged. "Let's just leave them there.

"So, are they together or something?"

"_Or something._ I'm not entirely sure." She glanced at her couch. "I'm too tired to sleep on a couch." She then grinned and turned to Naruto. "You won't let me get a kink in my back, will you?"

"Fine, come on, you can take my bed." Naruto sighed, leading her to his apartment. He discarded the tie and jacket on the couch and motioned to his bedroom. "There. I can just take the other one." Kurenai grinned again and grabbed Naruto by the hand, dragging him to the rom and throwing him on the bed. She took off her high-heeled sandals and snuggled next to the blond.

"Good night, Naruto." She lifted her head up and kissed him on the lips. Naruto just grinned and kissed the top of her head before falling asleep.

**Also, I have a new Twitter acount, on which I will be posting updates and maybe even new ideas. Check it out, the name's Drakai07, the pic is the same as my profile for FanFiction.**


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